Boytalk's year in review

2011 was a busy year.  Let's take a look back at the most significant moments of the past 365 days.

March 10 - Chuck Norris turned 61. Fact: When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

July 4 - The boytalk blog is launched with the motto: Women talk about problems, men solve them.


December 31 - Last day of the year.

Magic Fingers!

From one the best YouTube accounts ever created.

Shopping Prank!

Cart attack!

Hey check out this blog! It's great!

http://iblogbible.blogspot.com/

Gettin' in that Holiday spirit

Advice for Finals Week

Take the stress out of finals week...don't study!

Christmas Gift Guide

Here are the top 5 manliest gifts this holiday season; these items should be every man's wish list.

Walker, Texas Ranger: The Complete Series

Tim Tebow's Book

This Shirt

Knife from the Bear Grylls Collection

Robo-Pong 2050

Western Maryland's #1 source for news!

#ByeByeBoudreau #FireEdsall

With the departure of Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau, area sports fans can only hope that Maryland coach Randy Edsall is next to go.  Remember to use the hashtag "FireEdsall" when you tweet.

I'm a man! I read Boytalk!

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

Boytalk-Approved!

In honor of No-Shave November...

Boytalk brings you the Top 5 beards of all time:

5. Robert E. Lee: The General's greatest achievement in life was sporting a beard that commanded respect, but at the same time wasn't showy.  With his snow-white facial hair, Lee also proved that "touch of gray" is for losers.

4. Zach Galifianakis:  "My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good." - ZG 

Funny man, quality beard.

3. Bret Keisel: When you can say about a man that his face looks as though it is constantly being attacked by squirrels, that man has a wonderful beard.

2. Chuck Norris: There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard...only another fist.

1. Brian Wilson: This man deserves to be in the hall of fame for his beard alone.

A True Superhero

Boytalk-Approved

Top Ten Sports Movies of All-Time

10. Moneyball
9. Rudy
8. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
7. Miracle
6. Rocky
5. Chariots of Fire
4. Field of Dreams
3. Remember the Titans
2. Hoosiers
1. The Sandlot

Planking Perfection

TV Guide

     With the NBA already canceling games until the end of November, the 2011-2012 NBA season is all but gone. In spite of this, we encourage you to start following hockey!  As the manliest sport in North America, hockey is a fantastic alternative to basketball . Whether its dropping the gloves and resolving conflicts with the fists, diving in front of sizzling slaphots, or breaking your nose in the first period and playing in the very next period, hockey players are as tough as they come (with the exception of Sidney Crosby). 

     Don't know what team to root for? No problem. Despite there recent playoff woes, the Washington Capitals are the team to root for. With the NHL's most exciting player, Alex Ovechkin, they are currently 7-2-0 and are #1 in the NHL. See, the NBA lockout is simply a blessing in disguise! Just think you won't have to hear the endless Lebron conversation on SportCenter and, thank goodness, no more Chris Brussard. So don't sit at home and watch  "The X Factor," or some other horrible reality TV show, but instead rock the red and cheer on those CAPS!    

Staff Writer B. Rad Sawyer

True Manliness is...

...watching a football game in the snow between a 2-5 team and a 1-6 team.

World Series Game 7

Rangers vs. Cardinals. Tonight at 8:05 on Fox. You don't wanna miss it.

We should just rename this site: "re-posting the tweets of Jim Gaffigan"

I’ll never be mature enough to hear the term “natural gas” and not giggle a little. 
- Jim Gaffigan


Boytalk-approved!

Reader Question

Q. What is the age limit on trick-or-treating? - Diego from Duluth, Minnesota

A. 13. No exceptions. If you're 14 or older, though, don't be disheartened. This is where candy-stealing comes into play. Find out where your younger siblings stash their candy, and discreetly take 2-3 pieces of candy a day. Assuming they have accrued a sizeable amount of sugary treats, they will not notice the dents in their inventory. This is completely appropriate; it's all part of the older sibling/younger sibling relationship.

For our younger readers: Hide your treats well. You might even consider purchasing a safe.

For our older readers: Happy thieving!

For all your home improvement needs...

Rock the Red

There aren't too many things manlier than hockey, and there isn't a better team in the NHL than the Washington Capitals! C-A-P-S! CAPS! CAPS! CAPS!

Reader Question

Q. Is it unmanly for guys to cry? - Wilford from Sarasota

A. This is a tricky one. Yes, there are occasions when tears are appropriate, but don't just bawl for the sake of bawling.  If you do find yourself misting up, at least make sure you don't have an episode like this...

Manliness Power Rankings (Week 6 1/2)

"I don’t feel guilty eating my kids’ after-school snacks. I feel guilty telling them their mom did." 
- Jim Gaffigan


10. Albert Pujols
9. Bear Grylls
8. Doc Mays
7. William Wallace
6. Louis Zamperini
5. Nelson Cruz
4. Clint Eastwood
3. Chuck Norris
2. Harold Morris
1. Donny Glab 


Also receiving votes: Indiana Jones (89), Tim (the Tool Man) Taylor (42), Mike Rowe (19)


Not receiving votes: Rex Grossman, Randy Edsall, Tim McCarver

Homework Help - We read so you don't have to!

More ready-to-use book reports to help you "ace" those literature classes...

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
Elderly man recounts his time spent on Discovery Channel's Deadliest Catch. 


Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Big War. North Wins.


To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Ornithological tale about a Finch who refuses to kill a mockingbird.  This book is a true "Jem."


The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Sequel to the less-heralded book, The Magenta Number, this book chronicles the Salem witch tryouts of the puritan era.  The movie Wizard of Oz is based off of Hawthorne's classic novel.

Manliness Epitomized

"How'd your bike ride go today, honey?"  

...

"I was trampled by an antelope..."

Baseball Playoffs

The Yankees are out. The Phillies are out. And this happened. Gotta love Baseball.

Update!

Here's the scoop...

Boytalk is on Facebook! We post updates on Facebook from time to time, so following the page is a great way to stay current with issues regarding the blog. You can like the page here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Boytalk-Blog/169102756502580

Also, if you're new to boytalk, you can check out our videos here (or you can browse around the blog and find them as well): http://www.youtube.com/user/TusseyMountainTrees?blend=4&ob=5#p/u

Additionally, we are pleased to announce that a third testimonial video is currently under production.

Thank you,
The boytalk staff

 --- Got a link that needs to be posted? A topic that needs to be tackled? A question for the boytalk experts? email us at roger.lyon2@gmail.com

Manliness Power Rankings - Week 5 (Week 4 was a bye week)

"Just curious, how many weeks can you wear the same pair of jeans before it’s gross?" 
- Jim Gaffigan

10. Steve Jobs
9. Doc Mays
8. Bear Grylls
7. Neal Stuckenschneider
6. Dwight K. Schrute
5. Justin Verlander
4. Robby Sawyer
3. Harold Morris
2. Chuck Norris
1. Donny Glab

Also receiving votes: David Reynolds (76), Buddy the Elf (40), Fenton Hardy (18), Justin Beiber (1) - not sure why...

Not receiving votes: Alex Rodriguez, Tony Romo, Male Cheerleaders

Don't be an Annoying Hipster!

Mattie's Musical Musings

     Yes, it's that glorious time of year where the California-based rock quintet, Switchfoot, comes out with a new album. After releasing a really solid record with Hello Hurricane, their newest project, Vice Verses, is as good, if not more exceptional than their last release. From the first listen, you'll know this is gold. All I could say after my ears were treated to such musical brilliance was, "YEAH!"


     While staying true to their original sound, they've managed to add a lot of new flavors and originality. On top of a great mix of upbeat and mellow tunes, the lyrical content is phenomenal. In some ways the theme of the whole CD reads like a chapter in Psalms. It opens with the song "Afterlife"; a hopeful call to make our lives count and to live for God in the here and now. The tracks that follow are a mix of honest emotions that deal with our internal fight with sin in "The War Inside", a desperate longing for God and the peace of heaven in "Restless", and a search for meaning and purpose in "Thrive" and "Vice Verses." The album comes full circle and closes on a similar note of hope from where it began; reminding the listener of the security and joy in our true eternal home, despite the hardships and uncertainties of life. It closes with the lyrics: //I still believe we can live forever/ you and I we begin forever now//. 


     Not only is the music exceptional, but the honest and hopeful lyrics inspire us to genuinely set our eyes on the glory of Christ and our eternal home; and to let that assurance of heaven drive us to a life that seeks to rise above the cultural norms and truly live for our glorious King in every moment... Don't pass this one up.


- Mattie Cone 
Chief Music Correspondent for the Boytalk Blog

Don't Let This Happen to You

Even the pros look like amateurs when they leave their back pockets sticking out.  Nothing says, "I'm a moron" like a pants pocket gone awry.  Learn from Alberto Callaspo's glaring blunder, and don't let this happen to you.

One day I sat down and read Shel Silverstein's "Runny Babbit." The rest is history...

After much consideration, the Ultimate Top 20 "Spoonerism" List (who knew they actually have a real name) is as follows:

20. Yoseph Ju  

19. Manny Days  

18. Jeter Pansen  

17. Brave Dewer  

16. Buce Brenjamin   

15. Jennis Dansen  

14. Henny Bungerford  

13. Gaggie Maray  

12. Yevin Koukilus  

11. Schark Mellhase  

10. Ruddy Bobinson 

9. Puke Larsons 

8. Rott Scittlesburger

7. Koel Jelly 

6. Chucky Larms 

5. Parah Salin (went Sarapailin')

4. Garry Hotleib

3. Tarb Boops 

2. Mommy Tahaney

1. Wip Chard

(Also receiving votes: Loe Jee, Wavid Doodward, Jell Purseweff, Mean Jays, and Matrick Puir).

Homework Help

Summer's over, and that means that the homework is starting to pile up.  But don't let tedious and boring school assignments prevent you from having fun and doing various manly activities. Let boytalk handle that pesky homework for you!

Complete, Ready-To-Use Book Reports:


- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Angry dad. Runaway on a raft. Mississippi conquered; English language,  not so much.

- Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
Big war. North wins.

- What's So Great About America by Dinesh D'Souza
Waffle House.

- Little Women by ???
(Sorry, no one on the boytalk staff has actually read this book.)

- A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
George C. Scott is anti-Christmas. Kermit the Frog struggles to make ends meet in London's slums. Jim Carrey talks to himself in a dream.  "Humbug."

Words (to use) With Friends

Top Ten Most Under-Utilized Words in the English Language 

10. Under-Utilized 

9. Lugubrious 

8. Whom

7. Euphonious

6. Jeez-O-Flip

5. Erstwhile/Unbeknownst 

4. Sans

3. Cacophony 

2. Coccyx

1. Thanks

Video of the day

Manliness Power Rankings (Week 3)

"Manliness isn't everything, it's the only thing." - Vince Lombardi

10. Rex Grossman

9. Rocky Balboa

8. Bear Grylls

7. Angel Cabrera

6. (tie) Todd Keeler and Buddy the Elf

4. Billy Beane 

3. Mariano Rivera

2. Chuck Norris

1. Donny Glab (* His 3rd straight week at the top)

Also receiving votes: Dick Cheney (67), Brian Czarniak (43), Dwight K. Schrute (30), Arnold Palmer (15), Charlie Sheen (1)

Not receiving votes: Jim Rome, Justin Bieber, Muammar Gaddafi

For all your taxidermy needs...

Should you go anywhere else to get your animals stuffed and mounted? NOOOOOPE!

Don't Try This at Home

Boytalk Nation:

As fall approaches, so does sweatshirt season.  Never, under any circumstances, should you be caught with your hoodie tied around your waist (as seen above).  Either wear it or don't wear it.  None of this "halfway" business will be tolerated.  Following this rule will help you avoid looking like a complete dork during this season.

Inspirational Quote of the Day

"You can marry more money in 15 minutes than you can earn in a lifetime."

- Harold Morris

Q

Q: Hello. Look at me. I would like to follow this blog. Can anyone and everyone be a follower? (By the way, check out my video here: http://www.youtube.com/user/OldSpice#p/u/1/uLTIowBF0kE).

A: Yes, anyone can follow the boytalk blog.

Is Ping-Pong a Sport?

Yes. Yes it is.

Manliness Power Rankings (Week 2)

"In a bacon and eggs breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. Be that pig."

 - Brian Billick 

10. Novak Djokovic

9. Bear Grylls

8. Danny O'Brien

7. Jon Smith

6. Todd Keeler

5. General Maximus Decimus Meridius

4. Buddy the Elf

3. Muhammad Ali

2. Chuck Norris

1. Donny Glab

Also receiving votes: Mr. T (45), King Tut (23), James Bond (12), Johnny Holliday (9), Jason Bourne (3)

Not receiving votes: Colin Cowherd, Manny Ramirez, Osama Bin Laden, Tony Romo

Hail to the Redskins

Redskins 28 Giants 14

Watch out NFC! Here come the Redskins! Heading towards that 1-15 season. Suck for Luck! http://espn.go.com/college-football/player/_/id/380470/andrew-luck

How to Talk to Girls...

Boytalker: Are you from Tennessee?
Girl: No, why?
Boytalker: Because you're the only "Ten-I-See!"

Video of the Day

Dressed for Success

Go Terps!

Manliness Power Rankings (Week 1)

Here at boytalk, we believe that certain manly individuals are worthy of recognition and ultimately emulation. Thus, we present to you a list of this week's manliest men in the world.

10. pre-Delilah Samson
9. Brian Czarniak
8. General George S. Patton
7. Nathan Sasser
6. Buddy the Elf
5. Kevin DeYoung
4. Bear Grylls
3. Morrie Wilson
2. Chuck Norris
1. Donny Glab

Also receiving votes: George Washington (53), Bo Jackson (34), Harrison Ford (19), Chet Morton (12), Domingo Ayala (7), Lloyd Christmas (5), Rocky Balboa (2), Yo-Yo Ma (1).

Not receiving any votes: Nicolas Cage, Skip Bayless, Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Seacrest, Johnny Weir.

Presidential Approval!

"I love boytalk! It's full of adviceful tips and funny stuff!" - George W. Bush 

Retro Video of the Week

http://www.hulu.com/watch/272888/saturday-night-live-sports-bloopers#s-p1-sr-i4

Fantasy Football Guide

The start of the NFL season means three things:

1) It's time to make sure your "mute" button is functioning properly so that it can be utilized every time Shannon Sharpe mumbles something incoherent on your television.

2) Fantasy Football begins.

  - A few rules and  facts about fantasy football -

- If you have more than 3 teams, you take fantasy football too seriously and need to get a life.  Similarly, if you spend hours a day writing stuff for a blog that no one reads, you also should consider getting a life.

- Real-life teams are more important than your fantasy team.  This, for example, is unacceptable - "Well I don't care how bad my (insert team nickname here) are doing... I'm in first place in my fantasy keeper league!"

- If your team name is lame, your team will be too.  These names aren't lame, which means these teams will be successful ------>  "RomoWittenHisPants" ... "Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe" ... "Albert Hayneworthless" etc.

- Don't cry and whine about an injury to a player on your team, as if you sustained the injury yourself.

- Lastly, if you lose to a female in your league (if one exists) you should be thoroughly embarrassed and banned from fantasy football forever.

3) Finally, the start of the NFL season means that we are already one week into the College Football season.  Football on Saturdays > Football on Sundays.

Back to School

Boytalk's back-to-school checklist:

- Pencils

- Paper

- Laptop (so you can read the boytalk blog during class)

- 9 month's worth of sarcasm 

- Etch-A-Sketch

- Blender

- Remote Control Airplane

- Rod Stewart's Greatest Hits Album

- Scented Candles

- Inflatable Pool

- Golf Clubs

- Han Solo Action Figure

Irene!

Boytalk nation:

It's time to man up.  We should welcome this hurricane with open arms.

Hello Hurricane!

Boytalk's book of the week

Boytalk nation:

As we all know, girls are more confusing than a blank Sudoku.  Thankfully, there is hope!

If you haven't read this book yet, fire up your Kindle and get ready to have your life transformed.  This book is full of advice, pick-up lines, and anecdotes that will leave you on the edge of your seat.  Read it, live it, talk to girls.

Thanks again to our readers for the kind words...

From the readers...

Constructive Criticism?

Many of our readers have been puzzled by the term "constructive criticism" and have inquired about it's meaning...

The following real-life conversation is the perfect example of how to constructively criticize someone.

Tim (directed at Pete) - "You suck, get better."


Pete (in response to Tim) - "Thanks."

Reader Submission of the Week

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/i-do-not-have-any-money-so-im-sending-you-this-drawing.html

Boytalk's rules for Facebook

Rule 1: Under NO circumstances should the "poke" button be used to poke another guy.

Rule 2: Avoid using these words/phrases, unless you're making fun of people who use them...

"OMG!"
"totes (aborbs, gorg, ridic, etc.)"
"Sooooooooooooooo" or any word that gets unnecessarily lengthened due to adding repeating letters. (ie - hotttt, cuuuute, whaaaaatttt, geeeeeez, looooove, crazyyy, etc.)
"ohmygoodness" (phraseswithoutproperspacingshouldbeavoidedatallcosts)

Rule 3: Don't spend too much time on Facebook.

Question - "How do I know if I'm spending too much time on Facebook."

Answer - If you're spending more time on Facebook than you are boytalk, then you're spending way too much time Facebook. The following graph gives you an idea of how you should manage the time you spend on the internet.

Reader Question

Sean from Kansas City asks ---- "If the sign out in front of a store says: 'No shoes, no shirt, no service' does that mean I can walk into the store without pants?"


Answer: Yes.

Reader Question

Question: What do they call pastors in Germany?

 - (From Nickolas Caleb Caner-Medley, Penebscot, Maine)

Answer: German Shepherds

A Man Worthy of Emulation

This picture is from a reader, who recently took a trip to St. Louis. The reader explained that he was simply trying to take a picture of Stan Musial's statue outside the Cardinal's stadium, when a random fan swooped in for the photobomb. Way to go, old man! Boytalk salutes you!

Real man or "Really, man?"

Check out this interesting story that was emailed to us by a loyal reader.

http://www.nationalpost.com/California+uses+butter+knife+cigarette+home+hernia+surgery/5176208/story.html

Boytalk: we report, we decide.

Reader Question

Q. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? - Mahdi from Djibouti


A. No.

True Manliness

Man vs. Wild is a boytalk-approved show. (New Episodes: Monday's @ 9 on Discovery)

Planking: A Co-ed Sport?

Planking is the "new craze that has some stiffening their bodies and others scratching their heads."
The goal of planking? Simple! It consists of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location, taking a photo, and posting it on Facebook! The proper positioning includes:

• Lie face down
• Expressionless
• Straighten arms and legs
• Point fingers and toes

But the question still stands, is planking a co-ed sport? Well, the answer is simple: no.

As witnessed by this following cameraman, planking for women can result in injury and it is a disrespect of the sport.

So what's next? GET OUT AND PLANK! Its time for men, including the readers of boytalk to get out and claim this sport once again. Two of our followers have already started this endeavor.

 On the car.

 On the Don's Johns.

 On the trashcan.

 On the baseball field.

 On the broken basketball hoop.

 On the playground.

In your own home.

We would love to hear from you! Post links your best planking locations and poses in the comments section below!

***WARNING*** Planking is not for everyone, including women, ladies, and females. Please do not plank while driving or operating heavy machinery (light machinery is okay). Happy Planking!

boytalk's what not to wear modesty checklist (Part 2)

- Skinny Jeans

- V-Necks (Unless your chest hair is well-groomed)

- Beige Turtlenecks

- Socks failing to exceed 13 3/8 inches in length (It's always good to keep a ruler handy)

- Tank Tops (Unless you're riding in a tank)

- Thonged Sandals (Two thongs don't make a right)

- Speedos (Ask yourself: "Am I Michael Phelps?" If the answer is "No," then Speedos are a no go)

- Pants on the ground (They're immodest and they make you look like a fool)

- Parkas

- Rudy Gay Jerseys (They're gay)

- Hollister Apparel (Alex Garay, take note)

- Chain Mail Vests

- Rainboots

 - Crocs of any kind, shape, size, style, color, model, apparatus, prototype, apparatus, material, make, type, apparatus, or apparatus.

- Bob Ferry-style polka-dot water bottle holders

- Any apparel bought from the ladies department, seriously.

- Dukie Wear (Or Tar Heel, Cavalier, Hokie, Youngstown State Penguin, or Mountaineer gear)

- Backwards hats that cover your eyebrows.

- Long Chains (ie what the kids call "bling" for lack of a better term)

- Dyed Hair (Unless you're Dennis Rodman, Jeremy Moore, or you're using Touch of Gray)

Modesty Series part 1: Reader Question

Question: Are these shorts too short? - Randall from Newport, Rhode Island



 Answer: Yes.

Reaching out to Mormons: Knocking on THEIR doors for a change

My fellow boytalkers,

One thing we will be talking about frequently will be how to practically reach out to different groups. This edition will be dealing with Mormons. Nobody really knows what the Mormons believe, including the Mormons themselves. We do know that they are very friendly, and, strangely enough, though they are mostly a white religious group, occasionally they will have a basketball player that can score 80 points in ten minutes. While the most effective way to talk to a Mormon is to answer your door, how can we reach out to Mormons that don't live near us? Well, since Mormons do not know what the internet is, the only way to reach a Mormon that is far away is through writing letters.

After the jump is a letter that was actually written to a REAL Mormon.

Modesty Series...

...Coming soon!

Swearing isn't Caring

As Colin Firth showed us in The King's Speech, swearing can be quite comical.  But here at boytalk, we take a different approach to foul language.  Here's our Five for Friday...

Alternative Phrases for Cursing Situations (Inspired by the Hardy Boys):

5. Jumpin' Catfish!
4. Sufferin' Snakes!
3. Jumpin' Junipers!
2. Holy Crow!
1. Leapin' Lizards!

Steroids for Hemorrhoids?

What makes this blog what it is? We tackle issues like no other blog. We get to the bottom of things, quite literally in this happenstance.

So, to answer the question: no, just deal with it.

Reader Question

Q. I'm 35. Am I old enough to court yet? - Carl from Winnipeg

A. No.

If the NFL cancels the upcoming season...

Here's boytalk's 5-step plan to cope with the potential loss of the 2011-2012 pro football season.

5. Find a nice solitary location and have a nice, long cry.

4. Realize how many hours a day you'll save by not having to manage 14 fantasy football teams.

3. (If you're a Redskins fan) Your tears of sorrow will turn to tears of joy as you think of the prospect of the Deadskins losing 0 games this season as opposed to the inevitable 11-13.

2. Watch more Hockey.

1. Watch College Football. It's better than the NFL anyway.

Reader Question

Q. Should guys wear skinny jeans?  - Steve from Denver

A. No.

Boy Talk Motto

Women talk about problems, men solve them.